Zombies and Tarantulas

Ha well, so much has happened and I just have been too lazy to type about it. What is my problem? Any ways... First off... the track meet.
It was so amazing, running the fastest I have ever ran against these girls. They were so fast. I was in the second heat, the slower heat. I blew away my heat, I wish I were in the faster heat, because I believe I could have pushed myself against the faster girls. I took third out of the two heats in the 100 m Dash, Fourth in the 200 m Dash, and Fifth in the 4x1 Relay. I was hoping these girls would be insanely fast, alas I had the quickest time. I had lots of fun down there and the Nevada coach said he was really proud of me. Overall it was a great experience.
When we got back, we needed to go to Oregon to see Kylie graduate from the 8th grade. We headed there only to fall into a big mess. My Mother was there with the guy she met on the internet, which turns out he's a pretty okay guy. But things were just awkward with Dad being there. Kelsey took us to this pet store where you could take out any of the animals and play with them, snakes and spiders included. I was asking questions about the tarantula because Dad said I could get one when I left to college. I just wanted to know the information about him. Later that day I asked Dad if he could get me one and he said that he would. So we went down there and got my little pet Vincent. Named after Mr. Vincent Price.



The next day things got crazy when Dad and Grandma got in a bit of a fight about Kelsey and Kylie. Dad threw a piece of paper into Grandma's face showing evidence that he was not late on paying child support. Upon doing so, Grandma threw herself on the floor and began to cry that my father was beating her, which he clearly was not. She proceeded to pull out her phone and dial 911 before I took it away from her. We ended up leaving the house in such a fit. Ever since I got back from Oregon I've been hiding in my house. I love being a hermit, it's the best thing ever.
I've been talking to Dylan a lot on Twitter, and then we moved to MSN. We talked so much and now we're kind of dating. Lol. Yeah, it goes against all his beliefs of internet relationships, but he still accepts me. I love talking to him, he's finally somebody who can understand anything I say. My insanities that I blurt out either make sense to him or he understands that they're just insanities and that I have different views on things. It's really nice being able to talk to somebody who can do that.
On July 3rd, is a Zombie Walk in Seattle, Washington. After our fight, Grandma text me saying that she wanted me to visit and that she was sorry about everything. So I think I'm going to go up there with Cody and Darby and stay with her and then on the 3rd I'll go to the Zombie Walk! Wooo! I want to do a zombie walk so bad.
So that's mainly all that's happened. Some more stuff here and there, but yeah. That's the sum of things. I guess I'll try and keep up with these again.

Hmm... it's been a while.

I haven't posted in a long time I'm sorry.
But I don't feel like writing right now.
If I do I'll come back today... or tomorrow.

Misery of Love

She clutched at her chest
taking grasp on her soul
from after the heartbreak
he caused her took it's toll.
She took the knife
and slashed her wrists
"He'll see the pain
He'll regret all he's done."
The blood seeped onto the ground
and her sight slowly faded
She slipped into a dream
that spoke to her in whispers.
Why harm yourself
when you are the innocent?
What have you done
to deserve self mutilation?
Twas not your fault
your heart was fragile.
Don't take your woes out on yourself
for you had not caused the pain.
Vengeance my sweet.
That is the only answer.
When she woke
she was weak and pale
but after some time she recovered
and slipped out her window and to his house
she stood over his bed as he slept
and he awoke to her as she wept
What are you doing here?
he cried in fear.
With her fist clutching the knife
she wiped her tears and aimed it high
He shrieked as she brought it down
upon his throat.
The next day she walked to school
with a smile that brightened the road.
Her heart had been mended
with her love with his death.
Forever her heart belonged
to the dark goddess of night.

Dear You

Dear You,

You hold my heart and make me want to cry
but from these eyes, my tears are dry.
Being told that you actually exist
but I can't find you in the midst.
My dreams provide that you're there
but your face never comes in clear.
Since I was young, I was told to believe,
but to believe in love is not an idea to conceive.
How can love exist, to be with one forever
when I find myself even a hard endeavor.
Through blind faith, which I fully distrust
I must trip upon you, which is unjust!
Love is nothing but a hateful lie
just to occupy our minds until we die.

In New Mexico

So Here I am. Albuquerque, New Mexico for the Great Southwest Track & Field Classic. The Nevada coach wants me to run in the 100m Dash, 200m Dash, 4x100m Relay, and 4x200m Relay.
I might not run the 4x200 cause neither I nor him want to burn me out. So I'm super nervous, but more so excited.

I'm not even going to trek into the tale of how we got here, for I may just explode my brains all over this computer for how incomprehensible my father is. He doesn't remember anything Potter told him! Ugh... I'm not even going to start.
I should have come here alone, don't get me wrong, my dad's a good guy, but he doesn't understand plain English. I may speak of his idiocy later, after the meet. I don't need anything negative for me right now. But because of all the screw ups, I have gotten my own room with a King size bed. They were worried about me being alone.
1) Because they thought I'd be lonely
2) Because they thought I'd be a rambunctious teen doing crazy stuff and inviting boys into my room.
They don't realize that I'm a solitary creature that likes abiding by the rules. So this works out perfect for me. I did forget my toothbrush and toothpaste and razor, but thank god the counter had some cheapy ones. There's so many intimidating people here. I can see it in their eyes. I try to hold no fear in my face and I think I have accomplished that. I'm trying to strike fear into all of them as well.
All I know is that I must try my hardest and do my best. No matter what placing I take, I'll be proud of myself. Being beat is just something else in life you must deal with. A lot of these girls seem so smug though and it angers me. Why must one be so stuck up? Are you really so much better as to not converse to me when I say a polite Hello? We are going to be stuck in this elevator for a few moments, why not share some friendly words?
Or you know... you can look at me then look away. Whatever makes you happy.

I doubt any adults or actually anyone at all reads these, but I want to thank my sponsors so much. I would have never gotten here if it weren't for my sponsors pulling together in such short notice. You guys are true heroes in my eyes and you all have my out most respect.

I must wake up early now. Goodnight.

Just keep blaming me.

I did it. I finally did it. I quit my job. Well I gave my notice. I was going to wait a little longer, but Sheena just cut the thread. It was the last day of school and at lunch, Mrs. Potter signed me out so I could go pick up all the donations the companies promised to me, unfortunately, everyone was out for lunch. I did leave a paper at the physical therapy hall, but then I stopped by the Coffee Bar cause I needed copies of my flier. When I went in, Sheena began to chew me out. She told me that the bathroom was disgusting, the veggie tray was empty, the cups weren't stocked, and the shelves weren't clean "We're not going to clean them for you."

Um... okay bitch. Let me start with liable excuses that makes you sound like a total and utter douche bag. Let's start with, WTF?! The Veggie Tray was empty when I got there. I had to fill it up. I recall this. I chopped a tomato, and my eyes watered when I cut the onion, I almost passed out from the smell of the jalapenos, and I got the olives from the jar and I even poured the olive juice in the tray to keep them fresh. I recall all of this. Do you think I made it up?! Second, That bathroom, someone must have taken a massive shit and screwed up the whole bathroom after I left. Because I clearly recall scrubbing that toilet with bleach, cleaning around the seat as well with a sponge I wrote on in permanent marker that said "Bathroom Only". And I had to clean the disgusting sink under the curtain... I would clean the toilet with my tongue over clean that sink under the curtain out again. I DIDN'T MAKE THIS UP EITHER! I ran out of cups when I was making fraps and that means that I couldn't forget to stock the cups and the lids because I had to restock them cause I had to freaking use them. Then I went to cook some food for a customer, and I had barely ANY food dethawed. They're supposed to keep up on that. Yet when I got back, they blamed me for all this missing stuff... BUT I DID IT ALL! I don't know where the fuck it all went or what happened. Maybe I'm crazy and I just imagined I did all of this. That's gotta be it. Yup. It's not their fault. Not at all. They don't have this little Mexican Cliche that I'm not a part of.

I did need to quit, as all of you know, but this was just the last thing. So I got back tos chool and I texted Angie telling her that I needed to quit. She wanted to make sure it wasn't cause I was mad. I was mad at the time, but not at Angie. It wasn't her fault I wanted to quit and it wasn't the work. I just have a lot going on this summer and I can't be asking for every weekend off to do things. Angie asked how long she had to find somebody else and I said to take her time, I'll still cover for her until she finds someone. I'm not a mean person.

I rented S. Darko yesterday, but I never got around to watching it. I wanted to watch Donnie Darko before I watched S. Darko, so I asked Jackie if she had Donnie Darko. She said she did and then I told her I'd come back for it later just hang on to them for me. When I came back, she told me that someone stole her Donnie Darko tape, but she had S. Darko. So I had the sequel, but not the original. So... here I am... watching it online. I got the second one, but it's getting late. I don't know if I can watch it tonight... bah I can watch it tomorrow before I have to work I guess. So I'm about to go to bed. Good night.

I Want to Get Lost in some Fantasy and Escape this Reality

How I love to push my nose deep into a book and be consumed by a world other than my own. With its harsh and cruel ways, burning ashes in the wounds it has lashed with entangling whips. To escape into this wondrous fantasy land with troubles and fears that are all fixed in the end, makes my heart twinge with longing to be in a fictional book. Alas, when my head clears from my books and focuses on real life, my heart is broken. The book I'm reading right now, the girl is juggling three boys. Well two boys and a man, but anyways, her story of love and chaos excites me and I want something like that myself. Not exactly be cheating with three different guys, but to be wanted by so many people and have an interesting life. Then I stand back and look at my own and realize I'm not wanted by anybody, my life is dull, I won't have a happy ending, my life is not the life of a fictional book.
Why am I not like all the other girls, or anybody my age. They all go out and drink for fun, cruise and sing really loud in the car with their friends. Make out, have sex, cut loose. Not I. I stay enclosed in my house, not because I fear to enjoy myself, but simply because I do not find joy in the things people my age do. Drinking, I find it a lack of character. No sense to drinking whatsoever to me. Drugs follow under the same thing. Making out, having sex, I really need to leave this town before I find anyone I would want to share something like that with. Cruising and singing really loud in a car with all my friends, well since I don't drink or I'm not a slut, my "friends" don't really want to hang out with me. So, I live my life on here. The internet. Where sadly, is the place where I find my real friends. I know how pathetic that sounds, but I have found so many more people with better characters on the internet than in real life. Granted, I don't truly know them, but I have probably conversed with my online friends more than any of my friends I know face to face in my entire life. You may call my life sad and pathetic, but I find it to be a bit of a sanctuary until I find my way out of this town. Don't ever let me come back. Please I beg you all. I don't know who "you all" are, but please.
My family... which consists of just my father and I, have hit a financial crisis. We simply can't afford to live. We've cut down most of our bills, I mean we can cut the Satellite out of our lives, and we could get cheaper cell phones, but other than those two bills, everything else is essential. It's all medical or gas/lighting and what not bills. How is one expected to live when one such as my father is making an amazing amount of money, yet we still don't cut it. Our house, has no food in it. Every time I open the pantry or fridge, I feel like weeping because we are so poor right now, we can't even afford to feed ourselves. I've been having nightmares lately. Usually I love my nightmares because they're like horror movies with 4-D action, but these nightmares aren't like most. They're of my father and I barely scraping by then losing it all and living in boxes or shelters. I can't count the times I have woken up sobbing and holding myself within the past few weeks. I figured once track was over, my schedule would thin out and I'll be able to calm down a bit. Not at all.
I'm going to New Mexico this Friday, I got the time off from work, but when I return, I'll be at full speed again with work. The weekend after that, Kylie really wants me to go to her graduation in Oregon. I can't take two consecutive weekends off of work, can I? I want to quit so badly, but with Angie's mother in the hospital like she is, I can't add any more stress to her life. I'm not one to allow my burdens on to someone else.
Then today, my teacher called my book I turned in to her a health hazard because of the blood I put on it. Oh... psh. I have the cleanest blood anyone in our school can claim to have. I have blood tests every month for 5 hours where they draw my blood every half hour. Sure it's slightly disgusting, but she didn't have to touch the blood drops if she didn't want to. Then she said my pictures I drew were to gory. I asked her if it was okay if I made a zombie book. Did she really expect rainbows and butterflies? I don't like when people call my work names of sorts or find it unacceptable. It really pissed me off.
I don't know what it is right now either, I'm snapping at my father. He doesn't deserve this. I'm sorry, but the way he says my name as if I'm not listening or that I'm in trouble when I hadn't done anything annoys the piss out of me. He keeps asking me what's wrong, and I truly don't know. I just want to curl up into a small ball and sleep for a very long time. Wow... this came out a lot more emotionfilled that I really wanted, but I don't feel like erasing this. Maybe I can let my non-readers know of my true inner feelings.