Digging in the dirt

The wind softly tossed her hair back
as she dug deeper into the earth.
She had gone as far into the orchid as she could,
until there were no visible signs of life
except for the ravens eyes that peered down at her
and the comforting moon that bathed her in soft light.
Sweat beaded on her brow and she quickly wiped it away,
smearing dirt upon her pretty face.
Her white dirt stained blouse reflected the moon beams light
and the shadows danced upon her body.
The wind whispered softly in her ear,
telling her what she'd done was right.
Six feet deep and six feet wide,
she peered up at the earth crust she could barely reach.
Her tiny fingers shuffled along the ledge
where she felt around for what she came here for.
Finally her hands found the sack,
and she began to pull.
It was heavy and hard to drag,
specially after dragging it all the way here
and digging a six foot hole.
But eventually she got it
and it fell in the hole beside her.
She gave a slight yelp as the bag untied
and revealed his face.
The face of whom had betrayed her.
He had such a smooth face and defined features.
She bent down and caressed his face,
so pale and relaxed.
His blue lips were quite the opposite from when she saw him last
all red and puffy from his passionate kissing
with a girl who was not her.
His face had been so flushed,
from the heat that him and his 'other' girlfriend had generated
and from the embarrassment he'd shown when he saw the girl,
standing in the doorway with tears running down her face.
the girl he was cheating with ran out of the room
in embarrassment
and the girl just let her run on by
She bets he regrets this all now
specially when she took the lamp
and bashed it over his head.
Only did he wake back up
when she jammed the knife
deep into his chest.
His screams didn't last long.
She smiled remembering the blood flowing
how it had designed his white sheets
in splattering designs.
The bed sheets were her canvas
and his blood was her supplies.
The wind kicked up
and snapped her out of her flashback.
She tried to reach for the edge of the hole,
but found it hard to pull herself to the surface.
She finally dug herself some stairs and exited the cavity.
She looked back in the hole,
and smiled once again as she poured the dirt over his face.
She heard the sirens from a distance
but she ignored their wails.
She kept pushing dirt into the hole
even when the red and blue lights danced on her blouse.
The cops all raised their weapons
and hid sheepishly behind their doors.
By this time she only had one more scoop of dirt
which she pushed softly into the hole
and patted gently finishing her work.
She turned to the authorities
and stabbed the shovel into the dirt.
A smile played on her lips
as the cops shakily walked towards her
and put her in cuffs.
She smiled all the way
to the station
and to her cell.
The body had been dug up
her work on display.
Her bloody art shown
to all the people
who attended the show
inside that courtroom.
Oohs and Ahhs were expressed
and the girl beamed with pride.
They all gave her praise
and charged her guilty.
Insanity was the claimed reason,
the girl knew she wasn't insane,
but she didn't voice her opinion.
No one would believe her,
and everyone had seen her work.
She had no reason to worry about what lie ahead.
She had done what she though had to be done
and who can be happier with themselves?

Beauties and the Beast

It doesn't make sense anymore. My sisters have moved away with my mother to the opposite side of the country. And I'm only about 200 miles short of being literal. My sisters have grown up in so many ways, and they look so different. They act so different. They don't talk to me anymore. I don't even think I exist anymore. I'm nothing more than a frail memory. They've moved on to boyfriends, new school, a new father. They only call Dad for money anymore. We have no money to spare, I don't know who my sisters are, I don't think I have a grasp on their love anymore.

I look at their myspace photos and notice their defining beauty. They're gorgeous. They're growing into their adult bodies, and they're model worthy. Why am I not equivalent to their beauty. We did, after all, come out of the same womb. Kylie looks just like all the beautiful girls on myspace who take the gorgeous pictures and all the boys drool over. Of course she doesn't look JUST LIKE them, she has her own unique look, with the beauty of the gorgeous girls you imagine don't even exist. Kelsey looks like a beach model. Someone who belongs in a magazine and you know that they're not exactly real people. Just mere images on glossy paper. But both Kelsey and Kylie are real. Very real. And they came from the same parents as me. Why are they blessed with the immaculate breath taking beauty, and I'm left with the disfigured genes. None of us look anything a like, yet they both come out stunningly gorgeous. They hold their heads up high and watch the boys trip over themselves, as I follow behind them in a distorted shadow.

Both of them are so frail and skinny. They have long gorgeous hair that flows evenly. I'm heavy, large boned, and my hair is a fried nightmare. They stride with the walk of a confident woman. I shuffle of a short boy. Their faces have high cheek bones, button noses, defining jaw lines, thin necks, and piercing eyes. I have a symmetrically round face, chubby cheeks, a fat nose, plain eyes, no jaw line, a double chin, and a thick neck.
I may have more muscle than them, but what is muscle in a girl? Women are supposed to be small and defenseless, so their hero of a man can protect them and pick them up. I out weigh most the men I know, in weight and muscle. I put their masculinity to shame when they're around me. What man would want a girlfriend to one up them on the one thing they have over girls that they take the most pride in?


There's very few subjects that truly upset me, and this is one of them. I don't feel much physical pain, but the emotional pain is excruciating. It's over baring and I can't take it anymore. I'm against suicide, but there's moments in my life where the blade looks welcoming. Many of you may call me stupid for even thinking of things such as that, but if I were truly going to do it, I don't think I'd write about it on my blog (whether people read this or not). That'd be just stupid and seem as if I was searching for attention. I don't know why I write these out anyways. I clearly want someone to read it right? I actually don't care if anyone reads it or not. Burdens can be helped by laying out all that you feel out for you to look at. Maybe I am seeking attention. Maybe I'm just as pathetic of a human as the rest of this world. Maybe I am nothing.

Win a Scholarship?

Yeah so college is really scaring me. I don't have money for it and I'm getting invited by all these track teams. But any kind of scholarship would be nice. So Socialvibe.com is having a scholarship contest. Whoever gets the most points by midnight November 16, wins. So.... just refresh this page about a billion times please. F5 is a wonder refresh button. Make sure you see the badges before you refresh again though. =D

Pre-Senioritus

So it's my Senior Year. Being a Senior is so different than the rest of your years. This was before school started anyways. I felt older, and more pretty. I felt like I was respected. But then I started going to school, and I was right back next to all the other pretty girls in our school. They're just as important as me, just as respected, and ten times more pretty. This puts me back on the bottom, where I belong. I don't understand why I was born with this goddamn disease, making me muscular and fat. All the cute girls are small and frail. Their boyfriends pick them up, give them piggy back rides, hold their tiny hands, literally sweep them off their feet. You can't do that when your girlfriend weighs more than you. What man wants a girl bigger than him, lowering their masculinity? I hate school in every way possible. The school is full of dumbasses anyways, all you really do your last year of school is listen to everything you learned over the past 3 years because the teachers are just trying to embed the information they've failed to embed earlier into their brains before graduation. I hope the zombie apocalypse happens soon.

Holy Colossal Leg Hemorrhages Batman...

I think I'll go back to my nightly posting. It relieves me of my mental issues. I didn't feel the need during the summer because I simply sat on the computer all day and tweeted. And since Twitter is a mini version of a blog, I saw no sense in blogging I suppose.

But of course, you all are interested in my oh so interesting life, that I just had to start back up again. Yaaaay. I don't even know what my last blog was about. I guess I should go check before I repeat some story or something. Am I able to post Youtube videos on here? Hmmm.... I shall try... if you get a weird array of source codes, it's probably my attempt at putting a youtube video on my blog. So give me one second and I'll check my last blog.

OMFGLEGOLASARROWSANDORCSHIELDS, I never wrote about my Zombie walk?!?! Wow... that amazes me. So... On July 3rd, I went up to Oregon and stayed with my grandma, I took my cousin Joey to Seattle and we attended the Zombie walk. 3,848 zombies came and we broke the world record. I met these really cool people. They all originally met on a forum. J0z1e and KTShyGuy just got married 3 days prior to me meeting them. I met them first in line and congratulated them. Then friends met up with them, Eyeshuh, Snickers, and Pinder. (These are all their forum names). They spoke like they've known each other for such a long time, then Eyeshuh and Pinder suddenly realized they had never met in real life before. This was the first time. These people, are what I want my life to be like. J0z1e and KTShyGuy found out that J0z1e was pregnant the day after I left. I was so happy for them. They even gave their womb baby a twitter. It's the cutest thing ever. I was so excited for them... and I'm never excited for babies.



Here's a video of the zombie walk in Seattle. At 10 seconds in, that's me and mah crew. Hilarious. I don't know who's video this is, all I know is that I'm in it.

Now... bigger news... aw crap I don't think I can say it... ah hell why not. No one reads this, specially not Dylan's family.... right?
God.... I already said we were dating on here. So... erm... I guess I'm already screwed if they find this. Dylan's coming down in October to celebrate my favorite holiday with me. Halloween!!! I'm so excited I can't wait. Alrighty... erm... next time... I shall explain what it's like to be a Senior. And let me tell you, it's freaking weird.

Epic Tale

I left this tale on a friends Myspace bulletin... just to confuse the fuck out of him.


In a world of Magical Unicorns and lonely beavers held war against each other, Boris the Unicorn was sad and lonely. He was sick of the death and pillaging and decided to run away. The Unicorn commanders hand no idea where he went and sent out search parties for him, but Boris's hiding was of the master skills. Gretta the beaver was having the same issues. She watched as her brothers and father fought in the war. She lost several brothers and had few left. She was tired of her blood stained clothes and the blood stained battle fields. One day she packed up her clothes and some food and ran away. Her Father was a commander and he wanted her back immediately. He sent out a squad to retrieve her, but she hid so well they couldn't find her. When hiding one day, she bumped into a Unicorn and screamed. The Unicorn quickly covered her mouth and waited as the Beaver squadron passed by. She thanked the Unicorn and fell deeply in love with him. In the bushs the Beaver and Unicorn made sweet beautiful love and the Beaver found she was pregnant. They kept it secret and stayed in hiding until the baby was born. Boris and Gretta presented their Beanicorn to the generals for a hope of peace. The Generals both found it to be an abomination and killed the baby and slaughtered the parents. The end.