I've reached the utmost miserable point I have ever had in my entire life. There are spurs of happiness here and there and I do hold my optimism for some time, but in the end... I am so depressed. No matter how many laughs are shared throughout the day, I retire to my room at night, and sob for hours on end. Unlike most girls, I cannot sob myself to sleep. It only keeps me awake, pushing me into a night filled with insomnia. Within the past 3 weeks, I have received possibly a total of 30 hours of sleep. The stress of money problems and college applications and the cost of college applications and the fate of my sisters pushes more depression on my shoulders than I can even pretend to hold up anymore.
If you knew me prior to these past couple months, you would view me as a strong individual that would fight everything that was thrown at her and never shed a tear because she knew that something will give and things will get better.
That person broke. She is no longer here. She had been worn down little by little, until there was nothing left to wear down. She's gone. During the process of being warn down, she could at least grab the pieces breaking apart and mush them together to make a sad lump, but the pieces were still together. Now, she can't even do that. Now she is me, A tired, run-down, beat up, careless, nut-case. I blame it on my luck. Everything... and if you don't believe me, I mean fucking everything... goes wrong. Even if it's just the simplest of problems, I will get screwed over. Example 1: My mother beats the shit out of me. I get fined an $800 ticket for "running away" in no shoes, a ripped shirt, and blood pouring down my face. Example 2: I get a new camera to put on my laptop. Laptop breaks. Example 3: Gets laptop fixed, Camera doesn't run with my computer's software and now it's too late to take it back cause it took so goddamn long to fix the computer. Example 4: Everything had to be erased from the computer, complete iTunes playlist is gone. Example 5: Newly fixed computer won't download limewire. Example 6: Laptop breaks again after a month and a half of being fixed. (Same issues.) Those are just 5... that have happened in the past month. The first one happened a few years ago, but it's a great example about how the way my life goes.
My belief, there's born people out there. You are born with your luck. My father and I, born with bad luck. My mother and sisters, born with good luck. We all know those people who come out smelling like a rose even when they work in a manure factory. Those are the people born with luck. And every time luck seems to knock on their front door, it's taken away from us. The unlucky ones. I have some friends, and I am willing to bet... if they were to rob a bank, during their escape, they trip into a guy who is about to kill himself, but stop him. The cops stop my friend, give them an award and the key to the city. Sometime close to this occurrence, while I'm giving the little money I have left to a homeless person and decide not to eat that night, I get mugged and when they realize I don't have any money, they leave me in the streets a crumpled mess. I swear to god, this WILL happen if my friend ever decides to rob a bank. But they won't have to, because they will never be in the situation of need for money. Because they... have their luck.
And when we do get ahead, end up on top for once, it will bite us later. Oh and it bites hard. You're walking down the street and stumble upon a wad of money. You don't see anyone around who it could belong to and it only looks like a couple of dollars. You pick it up and pocket it. You unwad the wad later and it ends up being $200. Wow... it's your lucky day.... today. 2 weeks from now, someone breaks into your house, takes your $500 TV, your $200 Wii, and about $400 in movies. Not only that, your sweet old Grandma of a neighbor tells you how lost she is because she lost part of her rent outside. She dropped exactly $200. Now I may be over exaggerating, but I have had near to this for experience.
While my friend, who has everything handed to them, will stumble upon a wad of $500, win a Wii in some contest they never even entered, have a family member give them a $1000 TV for their birthday, and be paid $400 to be in a movie cause they just got that look.
Don't laugh... because this... is... my... life.
And I am done with it.
Friday, January 29, 2010
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
From nothing to something to nothing again.
Everyone was working their way around as quickly as they possibly could to see the alien object that has entered their universe. What was this peculiar object? They all listened intently for noises to come from the box, but nothing did. After hours, the box finally spoke. "Pluto is NO LONGER a planet," the box announced.
All the planet's jaws dropped and the asteroids snickered. Poor Pluto was much too far away to hear the announcement. The satellite had been sent from the scientists on Earth to inform the galaxy of their new decision. The satellite had reached up to Mars, but passing asteroids gossiped with Jupiter, whose moons gossiped with comets and the word began to spread.
Even as cruel as the comets were and how relieved they were to finally hear Pluto had been ripped of his undeserving title, they were not as heartless as to tell Pluto he was no longer anything he thought he was.
One asteroid puffed up his chest and decided better of this. "...Well I mean, Pluto knows he didn't deserve to be a planet. I've seen space dust more worthy of being called a planet than Pluto," The asteroid scoffed.
"I don't know Rick. I don't think we should tell him," replied the other asteroid.
"He should know either way. To be civil, he deserves to know," and with that, Rick Asteroid started towards the freezing uncharted areas of deep space. After many light years, Rick ran into Pluto's orbiting track.
"Another few weeks and he'll be here," the asteroid told himself.
Rick waited and waited until he saw lonely Pluto orbiting space. The tiny planet had an old wise face, with cracks of age and wisdom layering his surface. The creature had a majestic aura about him that made the asteroid give some automatic respect.
Rick began to gather up his courage to tell Pluto the news, but he saw Pluto's sad face.
Pluto spotted Rick, "You there! Asteroid!" Pluto's face instantly lit up and joy flowed throughout his core. "How nice it is to see someone out here in the cold vast depths of space. Do say, how are you?"
Rick's heart sank. Pluto's face was so depressing and solemn, but just the site of this strange asteroid brought such life to him. Rick lost his courage and felt sorry for the poor thing.
"I'm fine, I just thought I'd visit my favorite planet."
Pluto's face softened into a warming smile. "Why thank you, dear friend. May I know your name?"
Rick shuffled uncomfortably unsure if he wanted to give the name of one who will be bearing bad news. "It's Rick sir. Rick Asteroid."
"Ah and what a fine name at that. Tell me Rick, any news closer to the sun?" The planet's gray eyes softened as the creases around them grew as his cheeks spread into a bigger smile.
"I... I..." Rick couldn't handle it. He broke into sobs.
"Now, now. What can be such horrible news to bring you to such depression?" the old rock inquired.
"Pluto, my good friend. My dearest friend. I have awful news concerning you."
"Come on man, tell me!" Pluto began to become anxious.
"The humans, their scientists, they claim you're no longer a planet!" the young asteroid belted out.
Pluto sank back in his orbital trail and despair washed over the surface of his entire body causing Rick to tear up again.
"That's preposterous. Are you sure of this?"
Rick could only nod for a moment then sniffled, "I'm so sorry, Sir."
"How can they do this to me? How can they say one thing, for so long, then take it back?"
"I don't know," sobbed the asteroid.
"I worked for this title since I was just a nothing, and here I am again..." the old being broke down to a whisper, "a nothing." He continued back on strong, "I plant to do something about this! Why was I the last to know of this devastating news? Tell me young asteroid, what took you so long to deliver the news?" his voice bellowed through cold space.
The asteroid stammered for a moment, "You're just so far away." The asteroid looked guilty. "And no one wanted to hurt your feelings!" Rick still had a guilty feeling in his gut. "and, sire, a lot of us were jealous. I included. You were much similar to us when you became a planet. We don't understand why you were chosen over us. I do apologize sir for being jealous."
The old so called ex planet's face softened from his rage. His gray eyes held the young asteroids. "My dear boy, jealousy is something we all experience. Many times it is due to misunderstood situations. Shall I tell you my tale of becoming a planet?"
The asteroid nodded with tear filled eyes.
"Many years ago, thousands of years ago, I was much like you, a young rock traveling space. I felt that I had a bigger place in this universe though. I felt that I had a meaning to this vastness. I belonged somewhere, not quite sure of where that place was just yet, but I knew I belonged somewhere." his eyes trailed off to a memory far away. "I was rejected by all the other planets when I asked them how to become on of them. They laughed in my face and told me a little rock like me had no business asking such silly questions. I was broken hearted, but still determined to accomplish my dream. I went as far away as I could from the other planets facing many hardships. I traveled through asteroid fields where they attacked me with brute force, but I hung on. I eventually made it to a safe location and found myself my own orbiting pattern around the sun. The other planets send comets to spread crude comments to me and how I didn't belong. I was nothing. I didn't deserve to be considered one of them. As I passed the sun on occasion, he just smiled at me as if I was doing the right thing. Years later, scientists of the supposedly superior planet, Earth, "the planet scoffed for a moment, "what a hot head she is, decided which rocks in space will be considered planets. Now if you really think about it, we never named ourselves out here. We were perfectly content without having a title, but the humans had to just name us. They created the definition of a planet, and they claimed me one. Now my dearest friend, I cannot express the joy that flowed through me that day. The triumph that glowed from my young crust knowing that I was accepted. I belonged, officially, whether the other planets liked it or not. I liked to think that I deserved this title after all the work that I had gone through, after all the hardships, after all the harassment. It didn't matter anymore, I was a planet. I've even suffered the loneliness of cold space just to hold this title dear to me. But now," the old planet's features sagged from the memory of his glory years, "now, I'm nothing. I dare say to even consider myself an asteroid like you."
The planet hunched in his orbital pattern and began to sob. Rick had no idea how to treat this creature of old, this respecting being. He needed more than this.
"I will not stand for this," Rick whispered.
Pluto looked up with tears streaming down his face. "What was that?"
Rick puffed up his chest, "I WILL NOT STAND FOR THIS! You deserve the title 'Planet' and by god I will do everything in my power to get you back your title! I understand your woes and I understand your misfortune. I will bring you back the title 'Planet' if it's the last thing I do in this god forsaken universe.
Pluto's face cracked a sad smile and he watched as the asteroid began to head back towards the sun.
"I will return. I will do everything I can to bring back your title, but I will return despite whatever happens.
(to be continued)
All the planet's jaws dropped and the asteroids snickered. Poor Pluto was much too far away to hear the announcement. The satellite had been sent from the scientists on Earth to inform the galaxy of their new decision. The satellite had reached up to Mars, but passing asteroids gossiped with Jupiter, whose moons gossiped with comets and the word began to spread.
Even as cruel as the comets were and how relieved they were to finally hear Pluto had been ripped of his undeserving title, they were not as heartless as to tell Pluto he was no longer anything he thought he was.
One asteroid puffed up his chest and decided better of this. "...Well I mean, Pluto knows he didn't deserve to be a planet. I've seen space dust more worthy of being called a planet than Pluto," The asteroid scoffed.
"I don't know Rick. I don't think we should tell him," replied the other asteroid.
"He should know either way. To be civil, he deserves to know," and with that, Rick Asteroid started towards the freezing uncharted areas of deep space. After many light years, Rick ran into Pluto's orbiting track.
"Another few weeks and he'll be here," the asteroid told himself.
Rick waited and waited until he saw lonely Pluto orbiting space. The tiny planet had an old wise face, with cracks of age and wisdom layering his surface. The creature had a majestic aura about him that made the asteroid give some automatic respect.
Rick began to gather up his courage to tell Pluto the news, but he saw Pluto's sad face.
Pluto spotted Rick, "You there! Asteroid!" Pluto's face instantly lit up and joy flowed throughout his core. "How nice it is to see someone out here in the cold vast depths of space. Do say, how are you?"
Rick's heart sank. Pluto's face was so depressing and solemn, but just the site of this strange asteroid brought such life to him. Rick lost his courage and felt sorry for the poor thing.
"I'm fine, I just thought I'd visit my favorite planet."
Pluto's face softened into a warming smile. "Why thank you, dear friend. May I know your name?"
Rick shuffled uncomfortably unsure if he wanted to give the name of one who will be bearing bad news. "It's Rick sir. Rick Asteroid."
"Ah and what a fine name at that. Tell me Rick, any news closer to the sun?" The planet's gray eyes softened as the creases around them grew as his cheeks spread into a bigger smile.
"I... I..." Rick couldn't handle it. He broke into sobs.
"Now, now. What can be such horrible news to bring you to such depression?" the old rock inquired.
"Pluto, my good friend. My dearest friend. I have awful news concerning you."
"Come on man, tell me!" Pluto began to become anxious.
"The humans, their scientists, they claim you're no longer a planet!" the young asteroid belted out.
Pluto sank back in his orbital trail and despair washed over the surface of his entire body causing Rick to tear up again.
"That's preposterous. Are you sure of this?"
Rick could only nod for a moment then sniffled, "I'm so sorry, Sir."
"How can they do this to me? How can they say one thing, for so long, then take it back?"
"I don't know," sobbed the asteroid.
"I worked for this title since I was just a nothing, and here I am again..." the old being broke down to a whisper, "a nothing." He continued back on strong, "I plant to do something about this! Why was I the last to know of this devastating news? Tell me young asteroid, what took you so long to deliver the news?" his voice bellowed through cold space.
The asteroid stammered for a moment, "You're just so far away." The asteroid looked guilty. "And no one wanted to hurt your feelings!" Rick still had a guilty feeling in his gut. "and, sire, a lot of us were jealous. I included. You were much similar to us when you became a planet. We don't understand why you were chosen over us. I do apologize sir for being jealous."
The old so called ex planet's face softened from his rage. His gray eyes held the young asteroids. "My dear boy, jealousy is something we all experience. Many times it is due to misunderstood situations. Shall I tell you my tale of becoming a planet?"
The asteroid nodded with tear filled eyes.
"Many years ago, thousands of years ago, I was much like you, a young rock traveling space. I felt that I had a bigger place in this universe though. I felt that I had a meaning to this vastness. I belonged somewhere, not quite sure of where that place was just yet, but I knew I belonged somewhere." his eyes trailed off to a memory far away. "I was rejected by all the other planets when I asked them how to become on of them. They laughed in my face and told me a little rock like me had no business asking such silly questions. I was broken hearted, but still determined to accomplish my dream. I went as far away as I could from the other planets facing many hardships. I traveled through asteroid fields where they attacked me with brute force, but I hung on. I eventually made it to a safe location and found myself my own orbiting pattern around the sun. The other planets send comets to spread crude comments to me and how I didn't belong. I was nothing. I didn't deserve to be considered one of them. As I passed the sun on occasion, he just smiled at me as if I was doing the right thing. Years later, scientists of the supposedly superior planet, Earth, "the planet scoffed for a moment, "what a hot head she is, decided which rocks in space will be considered planets. Now if you really think about it, we never named ourselves out here. We were perfectly content without having a title, but the humans had to just name us. They created the definition of a planet, and they claimed me one. Now my dearest friend, I cannot express the joy that flowed through me that day. The triumph that glowed from my young crust knowing that I was accepted. I belonged, officially, whether the other planets liked it or not. I liked to think that I deserved this title after all the work that I had gone through, after all the hardships, after all the harassment. It didn't matter anymore, I was a planet. I've even suffered the loneliness of cold space just to hold this title dear to me. But now," the old planet's features sagged from the memory of his glory years, "now, I'm nothing. I dare say to even consider myself an asteroid like you."
The planet hunched in his orbital pattern and began to sob. Rick had no idea how to treat this creature of old, this respecting being. He needed more than this.
"I will not stand for this," Rick whispered.
Pluto looked up with tears streaming down his face. "What was that?"
Rick puffed up his chest, "I WILL NOT STAND FOR THIS! You deserve the title 'Planet' and by god I will do everything in my power to get you back your title! I understand your woes and I understand your misfortune. I will bring you back the title 'Planet' if it's the last thing I do in this god forsaken universe.
Pluto's face cracked a sad smile and he watched as the asteroid began to head back towards the sun.
"I will return. I will do everything I can to bring back your title, but I will return despite whatever happens.
(to be continued)
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