Beauties and the Beast

It doesn't make sense anymore. My sisters have moved away with my mother to the opposite side of the country. And I'm only about 200 miles short of being literal. My sisters have grown up in so many ways, and they look so different. They act so different. They don't talk to me anymore. I don't even think I exist anymore. I'm nothing more than a frail memory. They've moved on to boyfriends, new school, a new father. They only call Dad for money anymore. We have no money to spare, I don't know who my sisters are, I don't think I have a grasp on their love anymore.

I look at their myspace photos and notice their defining beauty. They're gorgeous. They're growing into their adult bodies, and they're model worthy. Why am I not equivalent to their beauty. We did, after all, come out of the same womb. Kylie looks just like all the beautiful girls on myspace who take the gorgeous pictures and all the boys drool over. Of course she doesn't look JUST LIKE them, she has her own unique look, with the beauty of the gorgeous girls you imagine don't even exist. Kelsey looks like a beach model. Someone who belongs in a magazine and you know that they're not exactly real people. Just mere images on glossy paper. But both Kelsey and Kylie are real. Very real. And they came from the same parents as me. Why are they blessed with the immaculate breath taking beauty, and I'm left with the disfigured genes. None of us look anything a like, yet they both come out stunningly gorgeous. They hold their heads up high and watch the boys trip over themselves, as I follow behind them in a distorted shadow.

Both of them are so frail and skinny. They have long gorgeous hair that flows evenly. I'm heavy, large boned, and my hair is a fried nightmare. They stride with the walk of a confident woman. I shuffle of a short boy. Their faces have high cheek bones, button noses, defining jaw lines, thin necks, and piercing eyes. I have a symmetrically round face, chubby cheeks, a fat nose, plain eyes, no jaw line, a double chin, and a thick neck.
I may have more muscle than them, but what is muscle in a girl? Women are supposed to be small and defenseless, so their hero of a man can protect them and pick them up. I out weigh most the men I know, in weight and muscle. I put their masculinity to shame when they're around me. What man would want a girlfriend to one up them on the one thing they have over girls that they take the most pride in?


There's very few subjects that truly upset me, and this is one of them. I don't feel much physical pain, but the emotional pain is excruciating. It's over baring and I can't take it anymore. I'm against suicide, but there's moments in my life where the blade looks welcoming. Many of you may call me stupid for even thinking of things such as that, but if I were truly going to do it, I don't think I'd write about it on my blog (whether people read this or not). That'd be just stupid and seem as if I was searching for attention. I don't know why I write these out anyways. I clearly want someone to read it right? I actually don't care if anyone reads it or not. Burdens can be helped by laying out all that you feel out for you to look at. Maybe I am seeking attention. Maybe I'm just as pathetic of a human as the rest of this world. Maybe I am nothing.