Tacos, Teddy Bears, and Insanity.

The Dawn peeked over the flat horizon. As I do every morning, I watched the sun rise. Despicable! Every person lives in the sunlight. They bathe in it and work in it. It brings cheer and joy. What fools we humans are. It’s merely a ball of fire blasting lethal rays of light upon us causing us a slow and painful death we call life. They all look at tomorrow’s dawn as a new beginning, but in actuality, it’s just one less day until their scheduled demise. Walter sat upon my window sill and watched in disgust as well. He knew of the shallow pit these humans so blindly lived in. He knew just as well as I as to why no human deserves their regretful life. I grabbed Walter’s stuffed paw and looked him deep in the buttons. He scowled back at me with his bear-like grin.
“So Walter… what are our plans today?”
I held him up to my ear so I could listen to his soft words.
“Oh, is that right? Hmm… We shall rid the world of another one of its evils?”
I paused as to not interrupt Walter.
“If you truly insist my dear friend.” I agreed to his notion.
Perched on top of my neatly made satin sheets, he watched me leave out the door. I walked past my crudely painted mailbox. In crudely painted letters it read Calvin Smirk. I opened the metal door and pulled out a bill or two, possibly a letter, and I slammed the box. I flipped through them as any normal neighbor would and shredded them to pieces. I threw them up and watched the Federal Confetti float in the air. It was now time for my job at the local Taco Time. How I despise that place so, but as to being unfortunately human and require nourishment, I must feed. And I do love the tacos. How I love the tacos so. The simplest of delicacies made, yet so extraordinary. Everything runs so smoothly together. It melts with each other and becomes one, but all of that is changed with a hard shelled taco. The delicious texture is RUINED by the fowl concrete structure surrounding the taco’s inner organs. That vile shell holds no place on this earth and should cease in all production.
“Excuse me? Excuse me? Sir!” A woman pointed her twig-like finger in the air.
My thoughts had been interrupted by her shrill voice. I cock my head towards her in annoyance, “Hmm?”
“I would like a number 4, no lettuce, no onion, no tomato, no shredded cheese and a diet coke.”
I collected my thoughts and realized that I was at work and that I had a customer. The damn hard shelled taco will have to wait.
“Ma’am, why don’t you order a number 1? It’s much cheaper because all it is is a beef taco and I won’t have to remove the list you just said to me and you can probably save a few bucks. “
I learned to act human thanks to television. Everybody Loves Raymond? Heh, Everybody Loves Calvin. Physically I am human of course, but mentally, I’m far beyond that.
“Um no. I would like the number 4 with no lettuce, onion, tomato or shredded cheese. Your manager should have told you that the customer is always right!”
This woman was clearly dense. The world would be a better place without her. I let my mind wonder as to what a world without the idiotic race would be.
“Sir, I don’t mean to be cross with you, but I would like my order. “ She placed her hands on her hips now, an irritating female gesture, “or do I have to speak to your manager?”
I sighed and punched the order in. She smiled. “There, was that so hard?”
How dare she speak to me as if I were a child. I restrained myself from leaping over the counter and stuffing all the hot sauce packets with quirky facts down her throat and laugh as I watch her choke on a fiery death swelling down her throat.
“No ma’am.” I handed her a cup. “That’ll be $6.50.”
“Oh my, I seem to only have a five on me. Would you be a dear and cover the rest?”
My lips twisted into a gnarled smile as I stuck my skinny arm into the pockets of my jeans pulling out a dollar fifty. She smiled and patted me on my shoulders.
“Aren’t you just lovely?”
My right eye began to twitch. My gnarled smile was imprinted on my face and she suddenly looked uncomfortable. Robotic-like, I handed her the ticket and she impatiently waited for her food. The order had been delivered and she grabbed the tray and ran to her blue Pontiac, license plate 417 ALZ, and sped out of the parking lot. Her instincts had finally told her right. You should fear me.
The day progressed with similar dolt like customers. This world had more than enough of them. Around 3:00pm I was allowed to leave. I returned home to Walter and decided to wash up. The hot water scorned my back, soothing the tense muscles. I sighed as I leaned against the shower wall. The moronic world today, humans should not be the dominant species. Nor any other species came to mind, but humans were not any more deserving than an inch worm. I got out and towel dried my hair. The man looking back at me in the mirror was not the same as me. He looked so different. He looked like that young guy all the girls hang on at the bar with brown shaggy hair, dark mysterious eyes, tall, and handsome. I pull my eye lid down and stick my tongue out at the handsome reflection. I look normal and I can act normal amongst them, but inside I am far more superior. It isn’t hard for me to bring the females home or for them to gain my trust. Just flash them a dazzling smile and they’ll give me their house. How women are so dependent on someone else. It’s sickening. Have they no independence? They always need a crutch even though their two legs work just fine. That’s what makes them such easy targets. Men, well it’s a bit more complicated to gain their trust. I don’t usually mingle much socially with them. They seem to parade around always showing off, whether it is brawns, brains, or looks. How can they…
A small voice interrupts my train of thought. I look back at Walter still perched on my bed where I last left him.
“What was that you said?” I asked.
Walter’s voice traveled through the air and found my ears.
“Yes, Yes. All in good time my dear Walter. You see, the sun is still up and shining. We must at least be amidst twilight before we set out.” I explained to his hand stitched face. “You’ve always been so impatient.”
I break to let him speak.
“No. Don’t you argue with me. You were too young to remember that! Why must you bring it up?”
Walter cried in protest.
“It was an accident! You were the one to tell me to light the curtains on fire in the first place!”
I waited for Walter to finish.
“You know, you should have never brought my parents up. I did love them. I did, but you, you made me lose them.”
Walter’s words were upsetting me and set me off in the most unwanted mood. I grabbed my little black bag and started out the door. A hurt voice came from behind me. I leaned back in.
“No, you can’t come this time!” Walter’s button face and sewn smile seemed to drop, but if I give in now, he’ll never learn.
I walked away shaking the bad memories from my head between twitches. How can my best friend bring such depressing things up? He knows the trauma I’ve gone through, the therapists I have seen. Ignorant dolt! I walked along the desolate street until I came to an apartment complex with a blue Pontiac out front. I walked up to the 4th story until I found a door with no decoration except for a small Welcome mat. I knocked on the door and the woman from Taco Time answered the door.
“Um, hello?” She looked at me slightly frightened.
“Excuse me ma’am, but I served you earlier today at Taco Time and you seemed to have accidentally taken my tray.” I gave her a friendly smile.
“Oh, deary, yes. I left in such a rush, I didn’t even think about it. Just let me go get it.” She turned from me and left to the kitchen. I slipped in and locked the door. She came back with the tray and a big smile. I took it from her and mirrored back her dramatic grin. “One question,” She lifted up her skeleton finger again, “How did you know where I lived?”
My eye began to twitch and I tried to speak, but my tongue was tangled. Suddenly, as if I had an outer body experience, I bashed her over the head with the tray. I repeatedly hit her over and over again until blood spewed from her head. She fell to the ground still slightly conscience.
“The world is full of waste like you, so dense, so ignorant, and so pretty. Does logic not make sense to you? Do you not understand that you are actually the murderer here? You’re killing off the human race with your stupidity and shallow thinking!” I spat at her.
She made a muffled sound and I cocked my head towards her.
“What was that?” I knelt down and grabbed the back of her head by her hair. “Did you just say I’m insane? I know you did. You did! Tell me you did or I’ll slit your throat right now!”
She mumbled again, gurgling through blood. “You see, I thought I was insane for a while myself,” I dropped her head letting it clunk against the hardwood floor, “but I realized sometime ago that I am not. How you ask? You asked how didn’t you? I know you did!” I pulled a knife out from my black bag where Walter usually sits. I held it up to her throat and she began to cry. “I know I’m sane because I do justice. I’m saving the world from itself by killing people such as the likes of you. The less I kill, the more insane I am. So you see, I must kill to stay sane. Paradox as it might be, I am right.”
Her eyes began to roll in the back of her head. She was slipping during my monologue. I picked up the tray and hit her again.
“Damn it. Listen to me!”
Her body began to shake. Damn it. I wasn’t done. I can’t have her body convulsing like this waking the neighbors either. I took a hammer out of my bag and made a blow to her skull. She fell limp and lifeless.
“There. You’re dead! Are you happy?”
Her body had no response to my question. I sighed at her stupidity. Just one less human polluting this world. She reminded me of my first girlfriend, Clair. Clair was so beautiful. Her long blonde hair swayed in the wind like daisies in a field. Her voice was the flute in an orchestra of perfection. She never knew my name, but boy did I know hers. I never got too close to her because she would probably fear me. But from a distance, we were grand. Every morning at seven, she would jog around the block twice. Through the bushes, I could see her, pony tail high, sweater jacket, capris. She was beautiful. I could smell her cocoa-butter lotion a mile away. One night, as I watched her from window, she came through her bedroom door giggling with a man wrapped around her. My face twisted with hatred. They kissed and fell on the bed. That was my girlfriend though neither of them knew it. Walter’s voice seeped through my backpack to my ears. He told me what I had to do.
I slipped through the window and grabbed a pair of scissors off her desk. I ripped the husky boy off my girlfriend and stabbed him in the eye. He cried in terror and excruciating pain. And Clair, oh how Clair cried.
“No, no, no…shhh Clair. I did this for the sake of our love. We couldn’t have him spoiling everything now could we? Please Clair, stop screaming. I love you!”
Her cries made my ears ring and I had to cover them so my ear drums wouldn’t burst.
“Clair, you stop it this instant or…or… or I’ll kill you!” Her sobs and screams grew even louder. Her brawny friend was still moaning in agony on the ground. What a stupid fool. I kicked him and removed the scissors. Clair rose from her bed and dashed for the door. I grabbed her arm and some ribbon from her vanity. I quickly tied her hands behind her back and laid her on her bed. She was now only in a muffled cry, sniffling really. I looked back at the boy who was lying in a pool of his own blood.
“Aww, the poor fool died on me.” I kicked his body over to reveal his gruesome face. Clair began to scream again.
“Clair! Damn it! Shut the hell up!” I grabbed a pillow and put it over her face until the screams came to a halt. I removed the pillow and noticed she was no longer breathing.
“Damn it! I killed her!” I said to myself. Walter quietly giggled in my pack.
Blood seeped to my shoes. I shook the flashback out of my head. For the third time, today I had been interrupted from my thoughts. I hate that! The woman whom I had beaten with a tray is making a mess. Humans. Even after they die, they’re still a nuisance. I carried her out to the dumpster in pieces. She weighed a lot more than what she looked causing me to arrive home in a sweat.
Walter sat perched on my bed, bear paws crossed. His button eyes burned a hole through me.
“What do you mean, ‘why were you out so late?’” I quoted him with my fingers.
His whispers tickled my ears with concern.
“I had to wait! Okay?” I shouted to him. His nagging has become a bit of an annoyance lately. He knew the world was nothing more than an infested planet desperately in need of extermination. Why was he questioning me so? I just can’t grasp what he’s trying to say to me.
The next morning I left for work, taking my tray with me. I walked in and straight to the kitchen. I started to scrub the tray, erasing all the dried blood stains that designed our bland serving plates.
“None of this would have happened if you would have just taken the number 1.” I spoke to the woman’s ghost.
More of the world’s dysfunctional waste came to Taco Time, all worthy of death, but I was simply tired. I haven’t felt like killing lately. Last night was a bit off as it is. I was released from work and I sat down to have a delicious taco.
“Well hello Little Taco. You have such a soft tortilla and complimentary tomatoes. I think that if there were a god, he was probably Mexican. Only God could have made you, Little Taco. And Tacos do come from Mexico. AND DON’T YOU DARE CONSIDER ME RACIST, BECAUSE I’M NOT,” I pointed my finger at the Little Taco. “I hate everyone equally. The only sense in which I may be racist is that of my hatred for the human race. Yes Little Taco. You are the closest thing to a Jesus for me. Now hold still while I devour you.”
After finishing my taco, I walked home. The streets were damp with rain and a car rarely passed. Ah, tranquility. The sun was still high in the sky pouring its filth upon me. A cry came out from an alley I was passing. A woman clutched her purse close to her body and was in tears. A man was pulling on her purse and tearing at her clothes. In broad daylight? People become more idiotic every day. I picked up a piece of ply wood lying by one of the dumpsters and walk up to the man who had his back to me. Wielding the board like a bat, I smacked him over the head. He fell instantly; the woman looked at me with thankful eyes and ran. After she was out of sight, I hit the man again with the board.
“No one deserves to be defiled in that way!” I hit him again. “And in broad daylight man? How much more idiocy can you bare?” Another blow to the back. “You sicken me! Yes! Even me. The one who is beating you bloody with something I found in the trash!” I hit him on the head and was splattered in his blood. Great. I wipe off as much as I can from my face. I pick up his limp body and heave it into the trash eliminating all other evidence. I popped my coat collars to cover my face and fled from the scene.
As I walked into my apartment room, it seemed as the room temperature had risen. Walter was still pissed. I could feel his gaze on me and the gleam off his button eyes stung. He sat upon my bed with paws crossed.
“What?” I asked irritated.
“Yes, yes I did. Another one without you, I can function on my own, I don’t need you.” I realize the truth in my words. Every murder I had ever committed. Walter was there. “You were there every time!”
Three days after my parents had given me Walter, I burnt the house down, with my parents inside. Clair, Walter was in my backpack. Every murder up until the number 4 beef taco lady, he was always there.
Walter’s cold gaze broke my train of thought.
“No!” I cried. “You can’t get in my head anymore. You’re just a figment of my imagination put into a stuffed bear!”
More realization swept over me. That voice that came from Walter was just the sick side of me. I created Walter. I created… a monster. I… I am a Monster? No! What I do is just. There is a method behind my madness. But were their lives really worthy of death? No! I was right. Dear lord. Am I insane?
I grabbed for the door knob when Walter, or me, or whoever had said something.
“No where! I need to find something out.”
His voice was sad.
“No, we can’t talk about it first. You’re not even real! You’re an inanimate object that I gave a personality to and your voice is just one of my own sick twisted thoughts coming out of you!”
Walter was upset now.
“What do you mean ‘Don’t Call you names?’”
A bit shocked I replied, “Inanimate is not a racial slur. No wait. You’re not real. I’m not talking to you!” I fled from the apartment and ignored Walter’s cries.
I ran out into the fresh rain with my black bag and began to sprint. I had no particular destination, just had to move. I could find what I needed anywhere. I kept running until I ran out of breath. I am not insane. I am not insane. I put my hands on my knees and gasped for air, the vile wretched air. I looked up and saw a woman with a stroller rushing to get out of the rain. My heart hummed a new beat. I licked my lips and began another dash. I tackled her into some nearby shrubbery. Quickly covering her mouth to muffle her screams, her eyes bulged out of her head as she made an effort to her futile cries.
“Quiet! Just shut up. I pulled an emergency plastic tie from my pocket and put it around her struggling wrists. I slipped off my shoe, peeled off my sticky sock and shoved it down her throat.
“Now just stop it! Listen to me. I am going to ask you some Yes or No questions and you will either nod your head yes or shake your head no or I won’t kill you. Understand? “
She muffled nonsense. I shook her. “Understand?!”
She nodded in agreement.
“Okay. Have you ever told a lie?” Her eyes shifted from side to side. “Don’t lie,” I chimed.
She nodded yes.
“Good, good. We’ve all lied once or twice. Don’t worry. Now, have you ever hurt someone and found pleasure from it?”
She shook her head furiously.
“Alright. Have you ever had a homicidal thought about someone?”
After a time she shook her head no.
“You understand the world is destroying itself?”
She nodded instantly.
Perfect. This one was innocent. Just what I needed. I racked my brain for my questions. I perked up for a second. “Is that child born out of wedlock?” I pointed to the child. Her eyebrows raised then she shook her head no.
“Alright then,” I pulled out a sharp blade from my bag. “Now, don’t scream or I’ll cut your throat.” She nodded in agreement. I removed the sock from her mouth and held my blade to her throat. She swallowed.
“I thought you said you weren’t going to kill me?” she croaked.
“Well you see, I recently discovered that I may be possibly insane. When my stuffed bear spoke to me it was actually a piece of myself telling me to do dark and evil things to people. Some innocent, some not so much. You’re going to be my experiment.” I told her as if this would sound normal to her. “You seem pretty much innocent, if I can kill you with no problems, then I’m insane. But if I can’t kill you or I do kill you and feel terrible about it, I’m sane. Okay it’s not the best way to test my sanity, but it works for me,” I shrugged. “Oh, and your baby, even if I am insane, I’m not that insane. I’ll drop it off at the fire station.”
“So you’re going to try and kill me?” She asked.
“Yes, yes I am. Don’t move.” The girl was surprisingly cooperative. She lifted her chin giving me a perfect target. She parted her lips to speak and I halted out of respect.
“Everyone in life questions their sanity at one point or another. Some people try to discover what sanity is and they end up buying a fancy car claiming they’re all better, but you, you’re truly unique. As to wager a life on your own sanity, I just beg of you to not go back on your word as to taking my child to the fire station. I would also appreciate if you were to reach into my purse and find my husband’s business card then pin it to my daughter’s chest. They’ll return her home.”
I stared at the woman in disbelief. Either she was entirely innocent or completely insane, but I have no grasp as to what sanity is anymore. So I’m going to go with innocent.
I held the blade back up to her throat. The hallow of her neck twitched as I got closer. She held her breath. If she were to inhale, I would have ended her life for I was so close. I took in a breath as well. Why was this so hard? Why wasn’t she dead yet? I finally exhaled and removed the knife from her throat.
“I can’t do it. Why can’t I do this?” I said aloud.
She sighed. “Do you have your answer yet or do I have to keep still?”
“You can go. Run and tell the cops. Have them come get me. I’m a terrible person. All my murders were over petty nonsense.
She looked at me and held her wrists up to me. The plastic tie was still secure around her wrists.
“Oh right.” I reached into my pockets and then searched my black bag, but didn’t find any scissors. I give off a nervous laugh.
”Well, I forgot my scissors at home. Um... I could…” She cut me off.
“Don’t worry about it.” I rose from the ground and pulled her up.
“Sorry about this whole mess. I just… just.”
She cut me off again. “I’m not going to tell the police. You learned something about yourself today. Go home and if you think you should rot in jail for what you have done, then you will turn yourself in. If not, I’m sure you’ll know what to do.”
This woman… who was she? How does she have all this… this… insight? She walked away, her hands still conjoined. She retrieved her now crying child in its stroller and just strolled away like she had not been only one breath away from death. Is she sane? I picked up my black bag and headed home. My head was amidst the night sky in enlightenment. This woman showed me who I really am. How? I am sane. Just loosely. I kept up with this ecstasy experience until I opened the door.
Walter was on my bed. His non existing breath stopped me cold. He was quiet though.
“Walter?” I asked.
No reply.
“Walter! Answer me.”
There was nothing. Had I finally ridded my demon? I am no longer under his charm? I’m… free? A glint flickered in Walter’s eye.
“I knew you were there. Don’t you hide from me!” I screamed at Walter.
I grabbed a blade from my bag and charged at the stuffed bear. “You can’t control me anymore! I no longer have to take your lies!” I screamed and stabbed his stuffing, shredding him to pieces. His fluffy blood floated in the stale air. I inhaled deep breaths. He’s gone. I destroyed the object that held him. He’s gone.
Only one thing left to do now and that’s to turn myself in to the police. I began to leave for the police station, back out into the rain. The rain pelted my head in a watery reign of fire. The crescent moon hugged the sky with its starred blanket and absorbed the heat. Once I turn myself in I can be happy with myself, I can be free knowing I will never cause harm again. I’ll be served bread and water for the rest of my life. Bread and Water? But what about the tacos? I will never have a taco again. Nooo! I can’t let that happen. As if my revelation had just not happened, I turned around and headed back towards my apartment. I don’t care if I’m going to hurt anyone ever again. I can’t sacrifice the taco. Once I got to my apartment, I opened up a pound of beef, pulled out some tortillas, chopped up a tomato, some onions, and some lettuce, and made myself a delicious taco. I can’t say that I will never kill again, it’s a sickness within me, but I can tell you that I will live long enough to enjoy this here taco.